Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ryan, Kevin, and Mark’s 2009 Draft Report

Welcome, Browns fans, to the 2009 edition of the Draft Report. 2008 was supposed to
be our Christmas morning. Perhaps the most eagerly anticipated Browns season since
the return in 1999, we thought everything was lined up for the Browns to contend for the
division and conference championship. A strong offense would only get stronger with
the addition of Donte Stallworth, and 5 prime time games portended good things for the
orange and brown.

Well, you know how it went. We came downstairs on Christmas morning to find that the
Grinch had taken all of our presents and Romeo ate the Who Roast Beast. Donte’
Stallworth proved to be more fra-geel-lay than an Italian leg lamp and the Browns were
the worst thing on primetime since the first season of “Joey”. Exit Romeo and Phil, enter
the Mangenius.

So here we are again with another new coach telling us that it will take time to build and
that we have to be patient. We’re now working on our fourth “three year plan” in the last
ten years, if anyone was keeping count. I don’t know if it is because it is spring and
anything is possible, or because LeBron has changed us, or just because of all of this
cough syrup(translated Tequila) we’ve been drinking, but we remain optimistic.

Due to high demand fro the publication, high expectations, and more
importantly…laziness, Ryan and Kevin have hired an intern to contribute to this years
draft report. We are happy to welcome a young man out of Pepper Pike, Ohio who is
the long time webmaster and musical director of the Draft Report, former lead singer of
Samson, and the proprietor of (where you can
find this year’s Report online), Mark brings a new voice (and hopefully some new jokes)
to the table. Welcome Mark. The jury is still out on whether his contributions will be up
to the high standards we set for ourselves, so next year we will be accepting resumes
and writing samples for contributing writers. If you are interested please send a cover
letter, resume, writing sample, and results from a urine sample to

This year’s report is dedicated to Eric Turner, Eddie “No Neck” Johnson, Dante Lavelli
and Don Rogers.

Kevin’s Mock Draft:
Team Player POS School
1 Detroit Matthew Stafford QB Georgia
2 St. Louis Jason Smith OT Baylor
3 Kansas City Eugene Monroe OT Virginia
4 Seattle Mark Sanchez QB USC
5 Cleveland Aaron Curry OLB Wake Forest
6 Cincinnati Andre Smith OT Alabama
7 Oakland Michael Crabtree WR Texas Tech
8 Jacksonville Jeremy Maclin WR Missouri
9 Green Bay Brian Orakpo DE Texas
10 San Francisco Malcolm Jenkins CB Ohio State
11 Buffalo Brandon Pettigrew TE Okla St.
12 Denver Aaron Maybin OLB Penn State
13 Washington Tyson Jackson DE LSU
14 New Orleans Brian Cushing OLB USC
15 Houston BJ Raji DT Boston College
16 San Diego Michael Oher OT Ole Miss
17 New York Jets Josh Freeman QB Kansas St.
18 Denver (from Chicago) Knowshon Moreno RB Georgia
19 Tampa Bay Everitte Brown DE FSU
20 Detroit (from Dallas) Rey Maualuga MLB USC
21 Philadelphia Beanie Wells RB OSU
22 Minnesota Hakim Nicks WR UNC
23 New England Clay Matthews OLB USC
24 Atlanta Robert Ayers DE Tennessee
25 Miami Darius Butler CB UCONN
26 Baltimore Darrius Heyward-Bet WR Maryland
27 Indianapolis Ziggy Hood DT/DE Mizzou
28 Philadelphia (from Carolina) Phil Loadholt OT Alabama
29 New York Giants Kenny Britt WR Rutgers
30 Tennessee Percy Harvin WR Florida
31 Arizona Donald Brown RB UCONN
32 Pittsburgh Duke Robinson OG Alabama

Ryan’s Mock Draft
1. Detroit: Matthew Stafford, QB, Georgia.
2. St. Louis: Jason Smith, OT, Baylor
3. Kansas City: Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest.
4. Seattle: Mark Sanchez, QB, USC.
5. Cleveland: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech.
6. Cincinnati: Beanie Wells, HB, Ohio State.
7. Oakland: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri.
8. Jacksonville: Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia.
9. Green Bay: Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio State
10. San Francisco: Andre Smith, OT, Alabama.
11. Buffalo: Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU.
12. Denver: B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College.
13. Washington: Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State.
14. New Orleans: Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee.
15. Houston: Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas.
16. San Diego: Knowshon Moreno, HB, Georgia.
17. NY Jets: Percy Harvin, WR, Florida.
18. Denver: Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State
19. Tampa Bay: Brian Cushing, OLB, USC.
20. Detroit: Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi.
21. Philadelphia: Michael Oher, OT, Mississippi.
22. Minnesota: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland.
23. New England: Rey Maualuga, MLB, USC.
24. Atlanta: Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois.
25. Miami: Clay Matthews, OLB, USC.
26. Baltimore: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State.
27. Indianapolis: Ziggy Hood, DT, Missouri.
28. Buffalo: Eben Britton, OT, Arizona.
29. NY Giants: Kenny Britt, WR, Rutgers.
30. Tennessee: James Laurinaitis, MLB, Ohio State.
31. Arizona: Donald Brown, RB, Connecticut.
32. Pittsburgh: Eric Wood, C, Louisville.

Simply mash the link to view the Draft Report in its entirety: (if you think it's just some first round mock draft silliness, you're sorely mistaken. Trust me, you don't want to miss this...)

Ryan, Kevin, and Mark's Draft Report 2009