Shaun Rogers Chariots of Fire

Cue the music

All together now...O-H-I-O

Sometimes the state I love just downright scares me.

A man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape performing a sexual act in public.
But to make the story even more interesting, he was having sex with a PICNIC TABLE!!!
What's so special about a picnic table????
Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions having sex with his picnic table between the hours of 10:30am and Noon.
The tape came from his neighbor, who claims Price would go onto his deck, grab a round, metal table and tilt it on its side. He would then use the hole where the umbrella stands to have sex.
Unfortunately for Price, the act is considered a felony since it took place in close proximity to a school, making it likely that kids could have seen Price in his act.
Police Captain Matt Johnson said "The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."
Price is married and has three school-aged children. He was released on a $20,000 bond.
As for the release, a neighbor, Brice Jacobs, said "He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again, and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance."
Wouldn't a vacuum cleaner be more fun? And private?????

Congrats Leroy Hoard

Leroy Hoard is a new father. I don't know why anyone outside his immediate family would care.. but it made me happy, so I am sharing it with you. Nice sweatshirt Leroy.

He had this to say to to all those fans sending him well wishes.

" I wanted to send you guys a picture that had more Rebecca and less of me. I started telling her that you guys were Buckeye fans and she started puking. Thanks for all of the Congrats and as always, Go Blue."

Green Runs Slow 40 at BC Pro Day

Some sad news for William Green's comback hopes...though apparently in great shape and sporting a great vertical, Green's 40 time was too slow...

"NFL Network's Mike Mayock reports free agent William Green showed up to the Boston College Pro Day in "great shape," but ran a 4.85 forty.
He benched 225 25 times and jumped 42" vertically, but running backs with 4.8+ forty times don't get signed. This could officially end Green's career." - rotoworld

Willie Green Finds God

Turns out he was waiting in the endzone the entire time.

Sitting now will pay off later for Quinn

Espn.com article

Savage has Browns headed in right direction

An article by Floyd Reese on espn.com

I Know This is Total Bull$hit, But it's Still Fun to Read!

An excerpt from Pat Yasinskas' article on espn.com:

"With free agency only a week old, the Browns already are emerging as one of those trendy Super Bowl picks that, powered by a promising previous season and some offseason moves, seem to pop up every year. Talk of the Super Bowl is not what Crennel and Savage want to hear in March (think Carolina in 2006 and San Francisco in 2007)."

Browns Make Waves In Free Agency

The Browns are getting great grades from the national media for their start to Free Agency.

And Steve King has a great summary of the national media's comments here.

Early Strike

The Browns sent us on an emotional roller-coaster this morning. The trade for Corey Williams is an excellent move. He's big and stout against the run, and has surprising quickness. You may not like the 3-4 system, but it is here to stay with the Browns, and Corey Williams is a good fit.

The news that Derek Anderson had hit the free agent market made most Browns fans happy. It is no secret that most Cleveland fans clamor for Brady Quinn (maybe not the fans in Westlake). Anderson was on the market for a grand total of about nine hours before he re-signed with the Browns. Something smells weird on this one. Either Anderson took a quick look and realized no one was going to give him the big money he was looking for or Phil "The Macho Man" Savage has something else up his sleeve.

Just speculation, but Miami has no QB at the moment. Maybe they would like a proven QB who all of a sudden has a very manageable contract. Maybe they would prefer to do that than spend the $30 million guaranteed it will take to sign the #1 pick. Watch free agency closely. If the Dolphins don't pick up a QB, things could get interesting...stay tuned.

Meanwhile, a national writer actually just wrote this:

"In my book, the Anderson and Lewis re-signings as well as the trade to acquire Green Bay defensive tackle Corey Williams makes -- gasp! --- Cleveland the team to beat in the AFC North."

I THINK I JUST WET MYSELF...

Orpheus

Orpheus Roye was released by the Browns today. I'd make some joke about "Orpheus" related to The Matrix, but I'm not into science fiction...NERD. Roye has been with the Browns since 2000, and he has been one (maybe the only) reliable presence on the front line for much of that time. Perhaps most importantly, he always seemed to have a little extra tiger in the tank when the Browns played the Steelers, something that was greatly appreciated by the fans. In the end, injuries caught up to the grizzled veteran.

This release amplifies the already pronounced need to add bodies along the defensive line. Look for the Browns to take a run at the prototypical high motor white guy Justin Smith early in free agency.

Me Fail English? That's Un-Possible!

Loyal readers (both of you) may remember Roderick Green from the 2004 Draft Report. Green was notable in that he achieved (achieved?!?) the lowest score in the history of the Wonderlic. Green scored a whopping 3 out of 50 questions correct. The Roderick Green Memorial Award for lowest Wonderlic score has been passed out in each subsequent draft report.

Well, Mr. Green signed a new contract with the 49ers today. Congratulations, Professor!

Seperated At Birth

Jose Calderon of the Toronto Raptors and Pete Sampras. Seperated at Birth?

Browns Re-Sign Jamal Lewis

Remember when we were questioning if we could get used to Jamal Lewis in orange and brown? Could you now imagine him in any other uniform (save your jokes about a prison uniform...he's on our team now)? Jamal will be a part of the future of the Cleveland Browns as they have apparently come to terms on a 2 year deal (with an option for a third...unclear whether it is a team or player option).

I think this is a great move for both sides. Jamal recognized a good situation when he saw it. He has a chance to run behind a great offensive line with enough other weapons around him to keep defenses honest. The Browns got a tough, dependable runner who is great with the young running backs. There is nothing not to like about this one!

Counterpoint: HE WANTS HIS 2 DOLLARS!

The fallout from Kellen Winslow's mention of wanting a new contract last week at the Pro Bowl has been as predictable as a Saved By the Bell plotline (Zack hatches a hare-brained idea, mischief ensues, the gang learns a valuable lesson, all is resolved). Fans and media alike (and even my fellow members of Metcalf Up the Middle) have been all over K2. "How dare he?" they scream, the righteous indignation dripping off their wagging tongues. "We stuck by him after his motorcycle accident. He owes the Browns."

I'm here to tell you that he doesn't owe the Browns anything. Sure, they honored his contract and worked with him so he got paid $11.6 million during the time he was out, but what was the alternative? Cutting him, maybe going after his money, and losing the most talented tight end in the NFL. If they had done that, you know who the current Browns tight end would be? Well, neither do I, but it certainly wouldn't be Winslow (perhaps Chad Mustard if he couldn't cut it with the Omaha Beef). The Browns didn't do it out of charity. They recognized the kind of game-changing player Winslow could be and didn't want him to end up somewhere else.

Is there anyone you would rather have on our team as TE? Me neither. I mean, honestly, if we needed a sack on defense on one play, I would probably put kam wimbley out there, but aside from him, my second choice would be Winslow. He has the kind of intensity and competitive nature that can help make his teammates better and his team great.

I'm not going to tell you that they should definitely re-do his contract right now, but the outrage over his comments is ridiculous. He is a little underpaid for what he brings to the table. If it were me, I'd at least explore the opportunity to give him some bonus money now and tie him up with a backloaded contract. His agent will be happy because he can brag about a big deal, but NFL deals aren't guaranteed so he may never see years 5 and 6 of the deal. I'd do the same with Braylon (though that is another column). With our line and those two weapons, our offense will be formidable for many years to come, no matter who is goosing Hank Fraley and taking the snaps.

The Browns are flush with cap space. I know, the average fan will tell me that they really need to fix the defense with that money, which is true. But it is not as if we need a complete personnel overhaul of the defense this offseason. (though the potential loss of Simon Fraser is heartbreaking...see "shart" column by the Bird, below). There are some pieces in place. We just need to add a couple key parts, which will lift the performance of some current pieces.

While we all would have preferred Winslow went to the Browns privately to express his desires, rather than popping off on the radio, don't just dismiss this as the ridiculous rants of "The Solider." Think a little more on it and I think you'll agree, it sure beats the hell out of returing to the Irv Smith era!

Booty Gets Shocked!

Former Browns back-up QB gets tasered by cops and then arrested.

Quinn Denies Allegations

Cleveland Browns Quarterback, Brady Quinn, denied being involved in any altercation on New Year's Eve this year. He released a statement through the Browns which said:

"At no time that night was I involved in a verbal or physical altercation, nor did I have any interaction with the police. I want to be clear that I did not engage in any of the alleged conduct, nor did I make inappropriate comments to anyone. Any allegations to the contrary are either untrue or the result of misidentification."

The Browns followed up with their own statement:

"We are aware of the alleged comments made by Brady Quinn, which the Browns take seriously. After speaking with Brady and his representatives we find these reported accusations without merit."

Quinn claims to have been out to dinner with his girlfriend and a few other couples, and that nothing happened.

Now It Seems Everyone Wants A Piece Of The Pie

First it's DA wanting a ridiculous deal for one year of work, now it's Winslow wanting to redo his deal because he's an "elite" tight end. Check out Tony Grossi's article about Winslow's production in December. I can't believe that this guy has the nerve to ask for a new deal when the Browns stood by him after his motorcycle accident. He collected $11.6 million during the two years he was injured. Pretty amazing. I've never missed a day of work...I think I definitely need a new deal. The only one who I hope gets his money is Jamal Lewis. The way I see it, he's got two more years of good football, and then he can transition into a part time roll while fostering a new younger back.

Simon Frasier To Test FA Market

This morning as I was eating my Apple Jacks I read that Browns Defensive End Simon Fraser was dissapointed in his playing time in Cleveland and would like to test the free agent market. Not only did I spit milk out of my nose, I also sharted and had to take a second shower. Good luck with that, you'll probably generate about as much interest as a Zima at a South Boston bar.

Were talking about a guy who (aside from being the lead guy on the wedge) is consistantly the worst player on the field when he gets in. Now I know some of you love him because he's an Upper Arlington boy, and an Ohio State Alum, and he has overachieved. But, I could give a rat's ass. I would rather sit in a computer chair at work all day in my stained underwear (from the aforementioned shart) than have to watch another defensive series with that guy. On running plays, he is so far form the action, he might as well be up in the coordiator booth. It is like he wants to play safety he is so far back from the line of scrimmage after the play. Maybe he is in the wrong system some people say. I don't care what system it is, any self respecting football player, let alone a defensive linemen shouldn't be so easy to blow off the line.

In a news article this morning, in some paper, that I can only assume it is the Upper Arlington high school newspaper, or possibly some Buckeye news outlet, said this about Simon Fraser's play, "For three seasons, Simon Fraser has been a reliable spare part, if not a spectacular one, on the Browns defensive line."

The use of the word spectacular is what led to me soiling myself. Are you kidding? The only thing spectacular about Simon Fraser is that he is still in the league. And maybe his hair.

Anyways, I wish him the best of luck. Who knows, maybe Denver will want you. In the words of Paul "Fitzy" Fitzpatrick...GFY.

Quinn Involved in Verbal Dispute

The Plain Dealer is reporting that Brady Quinn was involved in a verbal dispute on New Year's Day. Apparently Quinn and his entourage of 10 - 12 guys and girls were spewing anti gay slurs at people leaving a well known gay bar near where Quinn and his friends were eating. Let's hope that Quinn was just one of the crowd on this one. It sure would be dissapointing if Quinn, our possible future star QB, is enough of a toolbox that he's got to put down others who don't live exactly the same way he does...or do they? It's always seemed to me the the most homophobic men, are the ones with deep questions about their own sexuality. Let's hope this doesn't turn into a pattern for Quinn. I could care less what his sexual orientation is, as long as he wins games. But, just for good measure, maybe he should keep his mouth shut. Either handle your booze like a man, or stay home and nurse your Boones Farm.